Reality Check

I’m leaving my glamourous South Beach at the end of June, and will be spending a long hot summer in Utah. I’ve been so up in the air, and keep doing the should I or shouldn’t I dance. I am now realizing that I should, for may different reasons. I have a lot to do in the next month, in order to prepare, but I suppose it’s all good. Leaving my really good life in South Beach is gonna be hard, but I can always come back to it in the fall.

Many of my friends and family in Utah, seem to think I live a very glamorous life down here. It always makes me laugh, but if I step away, and look at it, I guess I really do. Living here on Fantasy Island, I have been exposed to things, good and bad, that seem almost unreal. I ride around in luxury vehicles, I eat very well, I am dragged around to look at 5 milllion dollar condos, I can’t walk ten feet without seeing someone I know, and my phone rings non-stop with invites. After 15 plus years down here, I’ve put down some roots. I always thought of this as a temporary place, where I merely stay, but in reality it is my home, and my life.

Once I get to Utah, I think spending my days at Walmart, driving my mom’s Malibu, and eating at Cafe Rio will be good for me on so many levels. I get a little full of myself, and my really good life. I often forget that not everyone lives like I do. A reality check is in definite need for me at times. This summer will be my reality check.

The basis for my decision of going to Utah, is family based. This is new for me, and I blame my sobriety on it. I plan on being present for my family. I still have three living grandparents, and one in particular who I can’t wait to be around. This is time I will never get back, and I feel very grateful that I have been given this time to do what I need to do. Not only for me, but for those around me.

Since You’ve Been Gone

I see things.

I hear things.

Things that only you would appreciate and understand. No words are ever needed. Just a look, or simply a nod.

Things that would have us both doubled over in uncontrollable laughter.

You are not here, so instead I am the girl, standing alone on the street corner, laughing by myself.

Accompanying you on your trip back to New York, solidified everything I already knew.

We get each other.

We are amazing together.

I can’t put a finger on us, but I know that what we have is HUGE.

I also know how hard it was for you to say goodbye to me.

It was hard for me too.

Not sad, but hard.

I didn’t tell you that I’m seeing someone, because it doesn’t really matter.

I like him quite a bit

But he’s not you.

There will never be another you.

I miss you.

I love you.

I believe we will find our way back to each other.

Not now.

But when the time is right.

For now, you do what you need to do.

And, I’ll do what I need to do.

Until we meet again….